You know over the years, I have become quite cynical about these “women’s day/Mother’s day” concepts, it all had started to seem to like some conspiracy to just make you feel all special and awesome for a day and then push you back to that typical life you dread. I won’t say it has stopped happening now but I do believe and am happy to say that, I have started to see the goodness in this one-day celebration as well. What happens to us every day, is definitely not going to get fixed by one day full of motivation and love showered by our families, but this one day might just be the day when we decide to do something for our own happiness, not just for a day but every day!
While working on a lesson plan about memories, I couldn’t help but wonder why can’t I be as happy as my 20-year-old self, what really stops me? Is growing up all that bad? After contemplating for a couple of days, I actually zeroed down to the one big reason – and no it wasn’t getting married (I know a lot of you would have guessed that and it was my first guess too, understandably so) but it was something deeper. I saw a pattern repeating, something I saw my mom doing, something I noticed my friends did and a lot of it comes from our ever so influential movies – we were all trying to be that perfect person which everybody else wanted to see and in this process, we forgot where our happiness was. This pattern definitely accelerates while you are in a relationship, as proven by research, you do everything to make your partner happy because at that moment he/she means the world to you, then if you happen to have kids, the focus shifts to their happiness and so on. A funny bit here is, how people who are not even related to us tend to affect our happiness meter just by the mere importance we give to what they think about us and that’s like the final blow to our inner peace a.k.a “Goodbye Happiness”! Yes, social comparisons affect us more than we think they do.
So getting back to the memories bit, so effectively, we were the only person standing between our happiness and us, and if we decide to shift that focus on ourselves, as we did when were younger (it was all about us and trust me it’s a good thing now and definitely better than “it’s all about them”), we have a higher chance of escaping the monotony of what this life eventually brings in. I saw this wonderful series of advertisement by Amazon – #mombeagirlagain and it was like yes that’s exactly what I want to do, I always keep saying this – give me a break – I want to feel free of all my responsibilities for a day – which we know will never happen if we wait for others to give us that break – I mean why will they? Did you give your mom a break? I didn’t (Karma). So why not take it on your own, snatch it if you need to (it’s good to be evil for the greater good), you deserve it!
You might feel, it’s all gyaan and easier said than done – trust me I see you but I also know a bunch of awesome ladies who were sailing in your boat and how beautifully they managed to take these baby steps towards their own growth, to do something they had set their heart on and in spite of resistance from their families to let go of them (even if it was for a couple of hours), they did not give up! In the process, their families became independent, they came out in their support eventually and today these women are all set to redefine the education space and hopefully nurture the young minds with this refreshing change. So there is HOPE!
And if you see another mom struggling, give her a hand, a hug, or if you feel she needs her space, just let her be, but don’t you ever judge her. You know what makes motherhood the toughest part of being a woman, how other women make her feel. We all learn while we grow with our kids, we will make mistakes and that’s ok but its nobody’s business to judge us for the mom we are.
Now that we are at home, we are doing everything to make our families and employers comfortable, why not do our bit for ourselves. Why not restart evening coffee/tea virtual breaks with our old friends, why not call up that friend and push her (literally push her) to join you as you did in school/college, why not put on those shoes and go for a walk (if possible) just because you want to feel the air, why not pick up that book and lose yourself in it because that character excites you enough, why not cook something because you have been craving for it, why not pick up that brush which has been waiting for you and dip it in the colors you wish to paint the sky with, why not start that car and go for a drive just because you need some time off for your sanity, why not wear that dress you had bought to be worn on a special occasion because the day you decide to be happy, the day you decide to give back yourself all the love and attention you have been giving everyone else, the day you decide to be yourself again, you won’t look back!
I penned down a few lines dedicated to all the amazing women and moms out there, here it is
Spread the wings, the ones you forgot about
Take that flight, you had dreamed about
Leave the fear, for once say “I don’t care”,
Embrace yourself, I know that’s rare,
And don’t you worry about the rest,
Just try to put the order to test,
You may wonder, but just hang on before you turn around,
They may struggle for once, but they will learn how to work it out!